Activity schedule

Mom unveils totally doable summer activity schedule

HOUSTON, TX—Local mom Rachel Pilkington gathered her family around a spooky velvet curtain Thursday morning before dramatically removing it to unveil a totally doable summer activity schedule neatly laid out on a large bulletin board .

A series of index cards held together by several strands of string completely covered the family’s bulletin board, signifying the end of any brilliant ideas they might have had about how to spend their free time.

“As you can see, our summer vacation is totally planned, but we will also have daily writing homework, crafts, swimming lessons, camping, antiquing and chemistry experiments!” said the wild-eyed hostess, waving her hands in the air.

“Moooom, it’s the first day of summer. What are you doing?” complained Stephanie Pilkington, 16. “Can’t we do nothing for a few weeks?”

“That’s a great question. Let’s check the board,” Rachel replied. She cast a quick courteous glance at the board before adding, “No. Sorry. Time’s up! I can’t do anything.”

“Ugh, she does this every year!” grumbled eight-year-old Timothy Pilkington. “I just want to play with my friends!”

“You can,” Rachel corrected. She then walked her son through his scheduled dates, beat by beat, revealing that over the next month he would be having two incredible hours of fun with his friends.

According to sources, Pilkington was careful to wake everyone up early for the unveiling so they were tired and more likely that she was handling their lives on her own. Her husband, Jim Pilkington, mostly nodded as she spoke at length about their big summer plans, knowing the job would take him out of most activities.

“It’s okay, kids,” Jim yawned. “Its good.”

“I’m going back to bed!” called Hunter, 12, as he left the busy cooking event.

Rachel put a stop to that right away. “No, wait! It’s time for us to cook breakfast together! As a family!”

“It’s going to be fuuuuuuuuun!

At the time of publication, the children in the family were trying to figure out how to enroll in the summer school.

In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York, the dedicated detectives investigating these vicious attacks are members of an elite team known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.

Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube